49 Ways to Sexual Well-being by Frances Carter

Author:Frances Carter
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Step Beach Press Ltd.

Chapter 6

MYTHS AND MAGIC: FEMALE AROUSAL

This chapter gets down to some of the fundamentals of female pleasure and arousal, but starts by thinking about how we characterise male and female pleasure differently. Here, we start by asking whether constructing male and female sexuality as different is helpful in terms of our personal journey of sexual discovery.

WAY 26

Feminine sexuality/male sexuality

The idea that male and female sexuality is intrinsically different is widespread. In Western societies the stereotypical view is that men are more ‘highly sexed’ or have a more ‘functional’ attitude to sex than women. Men are traditionally thought to be focused primarily on the sexual act, viewing it as a sort of itch that needs to be scratched, whereas women are said to have a more emotional experiencing of sex, understanding it in the context of feelings and relationships. The prevalence of these ideas underlines the notion that men are the primary users of pornography. However, recent research of 5,490 pornography users suggests that, while overall more men than women are viewing porn, the picture is changing and younger women show more interest in porn than older women. Possibly over time these differences in porn use by men and women will even out: this is evidenced not least by developments in the availability of women-friendly pornography (see Way 15). While these so called ‘differences’ dominate the way we talk about gender when it comes to sexuality, it is important to remember that ideas about male and female sexuality vary hugely across different historical periods and within different cultures. Furthermore, research that appears to prove gendered differences in the way we think about sex, or what gets men and women aroused, has always been countered by other research which ‘proves’ no such differences exist.

‘I have to be slipping in and out of a coma not to feel sexy. They say men think about sex every few minutes. I think women, particularly as they get older, are completely in charge, they know what they want and they go and get it.’

Eliza 48, Masseur

These ideas about how men and women feel about sex are nothing more than stereotypes, and stereotypes can get in the way or even prevent us under standing and exploring our own sexual worlds. Even now, if a woman is forthright and assertive sexually, she may find that she is perceived as threatening by others; she may be seen to be distorting a natural order of things in which the man is the more highly sexualised partner and, therefore, the one who takes the initiative in sexual scenarios. Those women who are open in talking about themselves in the context of their sexual interests may be given a number of disparaging and belittling labels: slut, cougar, laddette, party girl and so on. Sadly the polarisation of women into ‘good girls’ and ‘bad girls’ is still very prevalent and those like Amy (below) who like sex and enjoy discussing it, may be seen as exhibiting inappropriate behaviour in social situations.

‘I have always found it difficult to be myself sexually.

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